The Socctopus, cousin of the Football Squid, is famous for its excellent handling and lift. However, they tend to get emotional, and sit around looking dejected after the game, when nobody needs them anymore. Plus, it's tough getting kicked around for 90 minutes.
Oh this is so original! I'd like to keep one as a pet, if not just hold it for a minute to see how it feels ^^ I like the way you've painted the picture, too.